It’s always darkest before the dawn

I sometimes feel like I’m caught between two worlds within myself. I know which one I live in, I know which one I function in, but the other one looms over me. At times its ghost causes me to have double vision. I can’t run from it and I can’t erase it, the best I can do is try to find it a place so it doesn’t bother or bug me. That’s really what this blog is. It doesn’t matter how many times I try to dress it up with colors and happy little things, it comes back up on me like under cooked chicken. It needs its place and if I try to take away from that with colorful things, it ends up pushing itself out else where in my life.. in places it doesn’t belong or have a home in. I think I’ve done pretty damn well putting a niceness spin on my creepy and weird, lol. I haven’t been posting as much because of fear of judgment, but there comes a point where I just have to say “fuck it” and post anyway. Holding it in/back has far worse consequences for me than putting it out there here.

Things are never black and white for me. Nothing, NOTHING, is cut and dry for me. I always seem to find myself thinking in the ‘inbetween’ areas. There’s always too many grey areas.

Saying something like that causes so many people to think in different directions. Some think I’m talking about religion, I’m not. Some thing I’m talking about relationships, I’m not. Some think I’m talking about my personal relationship with my husband, I’m not. Some think I’m talking about politics, I’m not. Some think I’m talking about books, I’m not. I’m just talking about life in general. (and NO I’m not suicidal, just for the record!). These are just some of my frustrations… I can’t control what other people think of me or of the things I post or of the things I do in life. It is what it is, lol, whatever that is to you as the reader/viewer. Sooo, there’s my little rant. Wishing you all a very lovely week ahead! ;)


Pick me up love!

My Husband is a sweetie! I am not one for chocolate. Or sweets for that matter. He got me beef jerky for Valentines day instead. That’s serious love right there! Lol! Loved it! I am not into celebrating Valentine’s day. This is the day I met him 19 years ago though. Yep, I met him on Valentines day. I won’t post what I got him, it’s not appropriate for public forms…… it was ribs, just ribs, I made the man ribs.¬†Get your minds out of the gutter! ;) I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine’s day! <3


Happy New Year!

Yeah, I’m a little late posting this. I hope everyone has a very lovely year!



Here’s some Doors to start your year off right. ;)

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